I keep getting chased by the Average monster.
It is terrifying, in a not-at-all-scary sorta way.
It is normal height, non-discript face, brownish blackish hair, neutral colored skin.
It follows me around at an average speed, and if i run ahead, It always catches up.
Would, i could escape it, but It is relentless in It's stalking of me.

this may sound insane;
but tonight i had a very nice one-sided conversation with my ancestors.
we discussed life, our connection to it, eternity, the clouds, thankfulness, and how we like our coffee.
of course, i was the only one speaking.
all they told me was "get a job"

im so happy its becoming autumn.
to celebrate the occasion i went and bought a pumpkin pie candle.
and when i woke up this morning, the front door was open to let the coolish morning air roll through the house.
the high today was only 100.
im so excited about this season.
usually i never notice the start of it, but i guess this year is alittle different.
fall always seems like a time to shed all the guilt, stress, and resentment that has been building up over the year and get back to the basics, like family and thankfulness and love.
i wish i was in a different part of the country. Arizona is not the place to truly experiance the regenerating effects of leave changes and dramatic temperature dips.

complaints
i dont know what to do.
my dad is unemployed.
my mom works everyday, sometimes for two shifts.
i cant get a job.
someone stole my moped.
i need a new ride to get to school.
i cant even afford my textbooks and class is in 8 days.

but, i did turn 20. it was pretty lonely here in the suburbs.

when do people begin to feel that their house is not a home?
i walked through the front door of my house the other day. i was thinking about how i've walked through that door since i was 8. and i realized that i was not walking into a home, but a shelter, a place to get out of the weather, a place to sleep. so where is my home? is it the apartment in korea? is it my childhood home in new york? do i carry it around with me until i can find a physical manifestation of what i want my home to be? there is the old adage "home is where the heart is".
so, where have i left my heart?